I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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