We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
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The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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