i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
