oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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