Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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