They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
