I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can you bring me the toilet please
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
