life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
