Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Floor bacon is actually really good
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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