my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
