Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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