You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she told me i tasted like america
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
