last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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