What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
