phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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