he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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