Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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