So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
