In the future we'll all be gay
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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