she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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