A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
