I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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