Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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