we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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