She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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