White coat. Heels.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
