We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
