i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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