Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
