you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
