Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
