First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
