Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
