So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
