im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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