They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
