so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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