Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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