I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
