david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
