I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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