I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
