woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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