I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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