you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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