omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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