Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
