she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
