I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
