i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
