It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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