are you so shy because you have an std?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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