You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
