if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
