her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
