Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
