omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
