Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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