you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
