I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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