I bet he comes in French.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
