I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
