Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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