In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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