your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
